Now dating apps are an exciting way to meet people whether your goal is short or long term dating. If you are interested in dating, romance, marriage, or just getting a girlfriend for Christmas, you will find an app for you out there. And as a man, you will be competing against a ton of people for the attention of a limited number of women.
So, have you ever asked yourself: How to get a girlfriend’s attention? Why you’re not getting messages back on dating apps?
If you are making a handful of critical errors that I’m going to explain to you, then you are hurting your odds of ever getting a message back which makes it impossible for you ever to get a date and laid to have the relationship you want.
1A girl or a woman is just a busy human being.
There are several reasons why a woman disappears or stops writing back after exchanging a couple of messages. The most common causes are:
- She’s busy or she’s flooded with messages from other men.
- If she’s on multiple apps, She’ll get hundreds even thousands of messages from other men who are interested in her.
- She’s getting tons of matches.
An article on Grazia describes How ‘Has Being Busy’ Become a Warped Status Symbol.
So if she’s not messaging you back, it’s probably because your message is in a sea of hundreds of messages. And top of that she’s a real person. She has a job. She has a family. She has a full life, and she doesn’t know who you are. You’re just a stranger who is messaging, so the fact that she’s not messaging you back has nothing to do with you. She’s just a busy human being, who has a full life.
2You don’t customize your messages.
You don’t need to sit there and write a long and specific message about this woman. But it would be best if you said something more creative or imaginative.
How’s your week going? it’s such a throwaway question. You’ve exchanged one message, and so you’ve burnt through your first impression. You can make a great first impression by:
- Mentioning something about one of her pictures.
- Comment on something that she wrote in her profile.
- She’s got a picture in her profile of her on vacation you can ask about that.
- You can even open with saying something about yourself you don’t have to ask her a question necessarily. You can throw something like a comment or a thought or an interesting fact about you that relates to something from her profile
Check our article about Tips for successful online dating.
You’re either asking too many questions or just giving too many answers. Larry Alton explains in his article ‘the Art of Conversation‘ that all conversations, whether they take place in a dating app or at a bar, are a balance of questions and answers and both people are responsible for both sides. So adjust the amount of text that you’re exchanging.
If she sends you a full paragraph of text and you sent her a two-word answer, it’s not going to lead the conversation equally between two people.
You can get more responses and get a conversation going if you are aware of the balance of messages between you. Create some rhythm, and you’re going to be more likely to get results.
4You’re not yourself.
You’re too generic, too vanilla, and too dull. You’re giving a woman what you think that she wants instead of what’s authentic for you. She’s thinking about dating you. She needs to get to know who you are pretty quick to decide whether or not she wants to meet up with you. And the same is right for you; you want to be able to determine if she is the type of person who you’re interested in getting to know.
So be sure to adjust the right amount of personality that you’re sharing, with the right amount of holding back mystery.
5No Chemistry, No spark.
Often you go out on a date with somebody who you met online, and you feel nothing towards him.
Maybe you will hate it, but talking on the phone is the best way to get another person’s flavor to see if you have chemistry. Because if they are shy on the phone, they will be shy when they met in a bar.
If you don’t have any chemistry, you will save yourself the trouble of getting all dressed up or having to spend money on drinks with someone who you don’t even want to hang out with.
So moving from messaging on the apps to texting, to a phone call, to getting together is one of the best ways that you can guarantee getting a date.
I have a rule of thumb on how to get a girlfriend, which is after you’ve had three exchanges:
- That means that you’ve had sort of an introductory banter.
- You’ve had a different conversation about another topic.
- After that, you offer a texting conversation by saying: hey, I don’t love chatting in this app, please send me a text and then give them your phone number.
This rule is especially crucial for men because they’re putting the ball in the court of women.
You’re saying to her: here’s my phone number, you can follow up with me if you’re interested in taking this further. It allows her to decide if she wants to pursue you. It’s a smart way of how to get a girlfriend’s phone number. And, also moving from the app where you’re talking to strangers, to texting someone which is usually reserved for people who you know decently well.
6Chatting, Texting, Phone Call.
After you’ve moved to text, you offer to do a phone call. You say something on the lines like: I’ve got to walk my dog do you mind switching to a phone call. It makes the most sense if you do this when you’re already exchanging and messages back and forth. So, you know she’s with her phone, and you already have her attention. You have a 10 to 20-minute phone call if there’s chemistry to ask her out on a date.
The point of dating apps is dating not writing endless messages back and forth.
If you decide that there’s chemistry. Don’t ask her yes-no question such as would you like to go out sometime? But ask her out specifically by saying:
- Hey, you loved the Art Museum, what do you think about checking it out together this Saturday around 2 p.m.
- What’s your favourite bar? I’d love to take you there so that you can get your favorite cocktail.
- I love this conversation let’s move it to in-person, there’s a cute bar down the street from my house. Would you like to give it a try?
Using a powerful message, you allow her to give you feedback. She might say :
- It’s a little bit early or a little soon for us to go on a date.
- Let’s keep chatting on the apps or on texts that’s fine.
- Weeknights don’t work for me, but I can do a weekend that’s great too.
We still live in a world where we expect men to take the initiative, in contrast to research made by OkCupid, a popular online dating site, said women who take the initiative to reach out to men are highly rewarded. So if you want to end up on a date, if you’re going to end up in a relationship, you have to take the initiative.
7A recap on how to Get a Girlfriend?
So to recap online dating is a numbers game. If you take every piece of advice that I just gave you and apply it, you are going to increase the number of messages that you get. And hopefully, increase the number of dates that you successfully go on. Don’t take everything so seriously when women don’t message you back; it very often has nothing to do with you.
You will increase the number of dates you end up going on by:
- Send specific messages.
- Give her a taste of your personality.
- Adjust the questions and the answers.
- Move to text message, phone call and then in-person date relatively quickly.